I have been writing and researching quite a bit over the last few months on the subject of third age careers (The 100 Year Life) and also the road to retirement (Ready, Steady, Retire?). A startling reflection for myself was the acknowledgement that there is much ‘work’ still to be done, when we ‘stop work’.
To survive and thrive in our third age lives, we need to put the effort into:
Home work – looking after our home and everyone in it.
Body Work – caring for our body.
Social Work – checking our connections.
Brain Work – growing the grey matter.
HOME WORK – looking after your home, and everyone in it.
The house still needs cleaning, the food has to be cooked, the shopping to be done and the laundry continues. While this seems very obvious, it was still a revelation to me just how much time is still taken up by the routine activities associated with keeping the house in shape and everyone in it fed and watered. I had some vague, unfounded idea that, at this stage of life, the house would be perfect, or at least ‘done’, and everyone in it would be grown up enough to be looking after themselves. Not necessarily the case.
When researching for the last blog, I came across a lovely little piece from What Color is your Parachute - for Retirement about how ‘home’ might be viewed in this stage of life.
The authors pose 6 possible ways to view your home in retirement:
Home as job – getting purpose our of maintaining and looking after your home
Home as a project – making it your dream home
Home as a museum – collecting and displaying things that you love and that matter to you
Home as community – as your social hub to invite others and share time with them
Home as a base of operations – the home camp (hub) that facilitates everything else in your life
Home as a retreat – oasis from the world.
However you view it, it still takes time and effort, and a good chunk of our time.
BODY WORK – look after your body.
Be kind to, and care for your body.
My wonderful mum was often complimented on how well she looked for her age.
She graciously replied, “I work hard at it”.
Our bodies are wonderful things, but they need more time and effort as we grow older.
Two golden rules:
1. Rethink how you think about your body.
Show gratitude and appreciation for your body. You may not love the way that it looks, or the way it behaves at times. But it got you this far, however imperfectly!
Think about it; you take it everywhere. You travel in it. You sleep in it. You have your best times, and your worst times with it. You were born with it and will take it with you when you die. Don’t you think it deserves a little TLC?
I run about three times a week. After each run, I feel an ache or pain in some part of my body. And in that ache or pain I feel a sense of gratitude in that I can ‘do this thing’. We take our bodies for granted SO much. Did you ever consider the logistics of just getting your feet to move one step in front of each other? Or the wonder in how your hand holds the pen that writes the words on the page? Or the mechanical feat that gets you out of bed in the morning?
2. Care for your body.
When we are young our bodies can be very forgiving. They allow us to keep going when we are running on empty. They provide us with endless quick ‘re charge’ to get us through the day, or night. But, like the lithium battery, eventually the recharge takes longer, the power is weaker, and we cannot run quite so many ‘apps’ all at once.
This is not a health and lifestyle blog, so I will spare you the details on healthy living. So many others do this better than me. But you know what the headlines are:
Good nutrition, plenty of sleep, exercise.
Nutrition – garbage in, garbage out. In my first year of college, I had one semester of computer science. I was rubbish at it. But I remember this phrase for the segment on coding. If you put gobbledygook into the computer, you’ll get nonsense out. The quality of the output is determined by the quality of the input. As we age our metabolism changes, and food matters more. Work out a food plan that works for you and your body. Get help to do this. Enjoy feeding your body with good stuff. Be like the car fanatic who spends hours on their clapped-out second-hand Volkswagen, because ‘it’s worth it!’
Exercise – move. Just move. And then just move a little bit more next week. Do what you can, do it now, and then do it again tomorrow. Every little helps. You don’t have to be a gym bunny, but you do need to do more than you did before. Think movement rather than exercise. Your future self will thank your present self for it.
Rest – The elixir of later life. Get a good night’s sleep. Lots of good advice on this from Age Proof - Prof Rose Anne Kenny.
Know your body. Ignorance is not bliss. Information is power. Talk to your GP and decide on your vital stats. These will likely include weight, BMI, waist-to-hip ratio, blood pressure, Vitamin D levels, DEXA scan. (The Age Well Plan).
Pamper your body. Whatever that is for you; wonderful clothes, a spa day, a soak in the bath, an expensive pair of walking boots.
We all respond to love; care for your body and it gives back.
SOCIAL WORK - check your connections.
Have you ever struggled to work out why a machine is not working properly, only to find that it’s not plugged in? In our ‘third age’ stage of life, it is important to check connections with others.
At this time there are often natural dis-connections:
(i) Family. If you are a parent, chances are that your children have left the nest or at some level, left your life. After all those years of caring and parenting, you are at the periphery, rather than the centre of their lives.
(ii) Career. You may have already stopped work or are planning to. Even if you are still working, and many are as we move into our third age, chances are that your relationship to work has changed. It is likely that you are somewhat less engaged by choice or default.
(iii) Society. Whether we like it or not, we do become somewhat invisible as we grow older in an ageist world. Our relevance is less obvious. Less and less do we see ‘people like us’ reading the news, in the ads, on the tv etc.
There are many studies on aging and aging well. Consistently these studies point to social connection as the most important variable in successful aging.
Recently I was delivering a session on customer connection. It included some interesting research by Psychology Professor, Dan McAdams (1996), on what leads two people to create a connection.
He suggested that we connect at different levels. This explains why sometimes we can know someone for a long time without really knowing them, and at other times we can connect instantly with a relative stranger. What matters is not the number of connections that we have, but the quality of the connection.
Good connection is about bringing your true authentic self to a conversation. Not easy in a world that continually asks us to ‘fit in’. We are encouraged to be ‘uniquely’ ourselves, as long as it fits the blueprint!
BRAIN WORK – The brain gain, keep learning.
Use it or lose it, brain power!
You know this. The importance of keeping that grey matter going and growing.
Whether it is doing daily sudoku, playing bridge or learning a new language, get that brain into gear.
It is very easy to become brain lazy in our third age. A high level of ‘why bother’ sets in. At 60 my mum learnt to drive, took swimming lessons, attended an Open University course, and went back to yoga. All of this after raising 8 children.
Brain work doesn’t have to be ‘hard work’. It can be as simple as going back to things that we loved doing as a child.
Think back to your childhood pleasures, hobbies and fascinations. What was it that you loved to do as a child? How might you get more of that now? I have a friend, who as a child, loved to play with houses. She loved to physically build them with anything she could find. Sheets and brooms to build walls and ceilings, empty shoe boxes for shelves and turned up tins for tables and chairs. Revisiting an inherent love of construction, she is currently undertaking an online course in DIY and furniture making.
In terms of learning and acquiring new skills, so much has been made possible now because of online access. There is very little ‘how to’ that cannot be accessed through a YouTube channel.
Pick a project, any project, do it at your own pace.
AND DON’T FORGET THE FUN!
So yes, we still need to work 'at life' even when we 'stop work' in life. But despite the hours and effort put into the above, we all need to take time out from routine and a break from familiar surroundings to do things which are emotionally rewarding and bring joy to this stage.
For many of us, the home, body, social and brain work may well bring joy. But it’s important to have time and activities that are fun and bring joy, just for the sake of it. Work out what it is for you.
Laughter is always the best medicine. Make sure that you earn those ‘laughter lines’ on your face!
TO CONCLUDE:
Despite all the preaching on the above ‘work’ that needs to be done, it’s not hard work, it doesn’t take long, and you get to be your own boss.
The point is that we are always growing or caring for something. Our career, our family, our home. And this doesn’t change in our third age. We are back to growing ourselves, but in a different way. That too takes time and focus.
I am reminded of a strapline of a greeting card I once received:
“My life seems to take up all my time”
And so it should!
Thanks for reading
Susan
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